This
summer I returned from Japan for a visit.
People’s questions seemed to fly at me from all directions. Over and over I heard one comment that drove me
crazy—tell me about Japan. The people
usually meant well, but every time I heard that, my mind went blank. We’re talking deer in the headlights. I didn’t know where to start. How do I even begin describing a whole
country and culture? Does the person want
an hour long lecture, or are they just trying to be polite?
The
awkwardness didn’t stop there though. I had
my mouth open at the dentist’s office when the dental hygienist asked, “So, you’ve
lived in Japan for a while now. Do you
speak Chinese?” Are you serious? Really?!
I had to control myself as I casually replied, “I can speak some
JAPANESE, but I’m still not very good at it.
It’s a really hard language to learn.”
The sad part is that this wasn’t the first time someone has asked me
that.
I
do appreciate people showing an interest in my life and work abroad, but let’s
find a way to do this more intelligently and thoughtfully. Everyone involved will walk away much happier.
Here
are some strategies and ideas for asking people questions about their life
abroad.
1. Be
specific. Think about one aspect of the
country or culture that you want to know about, and form that into a question.
2. Ask
probing questions. The deeper your
question is, the more likely you are to receive an insightful answer. Yes/No questions really only work if you have
a follow-up question. For example, avoid
asking simply, “Do you like living abroad?”
Change that question, and instead ask, “What do you like best about
living abroad?”
3. Be
sensitive to other cultures and customs.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking one’s own country has the “right”
way or “best” way of doing things. You
probably don’t realize it, but even questions about driving on the wrong side
of the road suggest that Americans know which side is correct.
4. Avoid
stereotypes. Any time you ask a “Does
everyone…” question, you are setting yourself up to look foolish. No matter what country you go to, people think,
believe, and behave differently.
Here are some questions that might inspire more
in-depth conversations. I’d enjoy
hearing about some of your ideas too and possibly expanding my list.
· What
does a typical week look like for you?
· What
is your favorite place that you’ve visited?
Why?
· Where
do you still hope to travel in (insert country name)?
· What
surprised you most about (insert country name) when you first moved there?
· What
is the most popular holiday in (insert country name)? How do people usually celebrate that holiday?
· Who
is someone that you’ve gotten to know well since you moved to (insert country
name)? Tell me about him/her.
· What
new foods have you tried there? What
foods from (insert country name) have you learned to cook?
· What
are the biggest challenges you face living abroad?
· What
experiences have you faced with culture shock or reverse culture shock?
· What
misconceptions did you have about (insert country name) before you lived there?
· How
are people in (insert country name) doing after the recent problem with (insert
natural disaster or other difficulty that you may have learned about from the
news)?
· What
can I do to help support and encourage you while you’re living abroad?
· How
have you changed as a result of your time in (insert country name)?
· What
are you going to miss most about (insert country name) when you move back?
· What
advice would you give someone who is thinking about moving to (insert country
name)?
The person you know who has lived abroad might not
be able to answer all of your more probing questions, but that’s okay. I still have a lot to learn about Japan, but
I always smile when I can say, “I don’t know, but that is a really good
question!”
